So. A recent realization about something that was causing me pain ended in my making an unpopular decision and (by the grace of God) delivering it gently. And it occurred to me how important and underrepresented feminine energy is in the world. I'm not talking about the "drop dead gorgeous" 25-year-old who has no idea what's going on in the world but looks flawless (it isn't her fault - time just hasn't gotten to her yet) who receives all the attention. I'm talking about the women who are mountains - those you simply must admire, who inspire love in you no matter how they look because they embody true strength, true beauty, true fortitude. My neighbor is like that - milk chocolate skin, constant white guile-less smile stretched across her face, who hugs me when I'm sweaty and asks me over for pie when she sees I'm stressed. She always takes the blame for our distance, before I can say anything. Her figure is ample and her love is even more generous. She is the center of a group of people who revere her without question because her back is straight and her word, true. Vanessa is larger than any problem they may have, life or death. She is holy and beautiful beyond measure. Our culture cannot sell anything through her, so they don't try.
I am reminded frequently of this power that has nothing to do with our cultural sense of control or the sexual role in which girls are cast from an early age. I am humbled by the number of girls, who I affectionately call "my girls," who look to me as a role model (though I am unfit in many ways). I do what I can for them in my small way, encouraging them to choose something besides the playing of the "pretty" card or the "controlling siren" card, both of which lead to emptiness for the player and pain for the victim. Instead, I remember boys I knew who were slain when I was virtuous, unable to stand in the face of holiness - the kind of holiness only women possess and the whole world is in desperate search of. I did not wield this power when it became manifest in my life, but I remember stepping aside so it could be perceived by those who needed to see it. Acknowledging my own need of it helps me understand how I might make more room for it in my life. How blessed each of us are in our own ways.
Shalom.
